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The One Show (#2) - PS3Tosh.c0m

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    The One Show (#2) - PS3Tosh.c0m



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    Articles

    Daniel Tosh Celebrity Impression

    - OneShift

    Member Interviews Part 1
    - OneShift with Johhnycake-, & Hitmon133

    Original Internet Captions
    - OneShift

    Member Interviews Part 2
    - OneShift with Johhnycake-, & Hitmon133

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    Daniel Tosh Celebrity Impression
    - OneShift

    12,000. What does that mean for you? Not of a hell lot. For me, it's the Nelson ratings and/or views of this show. On opening weekend. It's true. A hand for our guest of honor who won the radio contest. Won his own private balcony for tonight, we gave him an authentic replica of Lincoln's top hat.. For good luck.



    Anybody smoke marijuana in the crowd tonight? Everybody who just clapped, please add your name to the sign up sheet before you leave.. Help your government save resources by writing who to watch for them. In all seriousness though, should it be legal? With pros and cons and all the arguments in between I assume we could very well have one .. It could fill up two whole pages on this forum if someone really felt jaded against it. Yes, it should be legal. Now I won't act like there's no drawbacks to it. Paranoia is a very real side effect, people.

    Now I've been known to burn half a quarter in a deserted warehouse much like Harvey Dent.. Solid reference that I absolutely nailed. Boom, we're comin out of the gate with double barrels (strapped with explosives). Try to keep up people, this isn't amauter night at the Apollo.. Or whatever the white equivalency of that is. Anyway, paranoia. Before bed EVERY night, do you check the blankets on your bed? Why wouldn't you?



    I've saved myself from getting in bed with a spider A LOT.. I can count the times on my fingers but isn't that still worth it? Better than getting to feel a large spider move across your chest, feels like your thumb is lazily rolling across it until you realize your arms are securing the tuck in your blanket cocoon. Chills. Chills, I say.

    Fellows, my gentlemen.. When you shave, do you or do you not first shave your mustache into a Hitler before finishing the job? I did that once, what a time for the batteries to die.



    For the record, GOD. I found that to be in extremely bad taste. I know it's hard to live up to the pedestal of standards everyone puts on you but come on, that's some low brow comedy. No Father Bishop, I will not calm down.. That was the worst funeral I ever attended. Even the racists beat me up, they thought I was rocking it ironically.. Ah, I never wanted an interracial couple to walk by more in my life. Not everything the lord does has a secret meaning.. Sometimes he's just retreading old ground.

    Another side effect of smoking marijuana is that you dream far less, if your a heavy smoker then you know after a day or two they bounce right back though. Speaking of,
    I had a dream the other night. I had the power to levitate.. Which is a very weak form of flying. I was showboating it around in an urban setting for the black community, you could tell I was being generous because it only counted as half time for my court ordered community service. Out of nowhere I hear a bone chilling scream that carried an echo of my name, forgetting about my superpowers I ran into the woods leaving a noise trail of crunched dry leaves and heavy panting. The chase went on until we arrived at the white neighborhood. There I used my useless floating ability to hide on the roof of the fifth story of one of the middle class houses.



    No, I'm not racist because of the neighborhoods I dreamed of. They could afford those houses because they didn't go out and buy a grill when Nelly released that god awful song a few years back. I looked down at my pursuer and saw it was my ex girlfriend, waving a positive pregnancy test. I was so shocked that it threw off my equilibrium, sliding me off the roof , landed on her.. Killing both of us instantly. Next thing I knew we were both in hell, but our fetus wasn't.. Because it wasn't a human being. Just like a caterpillar isn't a butterfly until that cocoon bursts out six quarts of mucus to birth that baby. That's when I realized I was concretely pro choice and if I had been stoned the night before I wouldn't have had such dark grim dream that painted everyone in bad light.

    And THAT's when I realized the Nightmare on Elm Street film series is subliminally pro for the legalization of
    marijuana. All that street needed was a surplus of good old mother Earth, that chick you want to get with on the bus, Mary Jane. The message is subtle but it's there.



    We'll be right back with more from Griefheart & Altered Formula.


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    Member Interviews Part 1
    - OneShift with Johhnycake- & Hitmon133


    OneShift
    Hitmon133
    Johhnycake-


    Welcome to the show, generic and/or default member. Good to have you on, I loved the performance you brought with your reply in that one thread.. Huh? You know which one I'm talking about.. It was about uh. My stage manager is telling me to move on. As the most classic pick up line the internet has to offer, I'll have to ask you A/S/L? Introduce yourself to the people reading. Who you are, what you do.. AND.. GO.
    A/S/L = 19/M/Ireland. I go by the name of Hitmon133 now but most people just call me Lee. I've no idea why but apparently they think that's my name or something As for what I do, I'm currently a student studying student things.
    I suppose you do homework at school, day of.. fifteen minutes before that class.
    *Awkward optical pat down* Rebels like that have such great hair.
    Hello! My name is Abby. I am eighteen years old and I live in America's butthole. No, not Detriot, the other one. No, not that one either. Iowa, people! Geez! I specialize in being socially awkward and dealing with cats. I enjoy long romantic walks to my fridge, sleeping until noon, and being a cranky member of society.
    Buzzsaw, double check the birth date on her license.. I'm going to tape the mic to this one personally.

    Hypothetical question. You're in the zombie apocalypse, pick 4 members not including you to be your group. Bonus question, who dies and who lives?
    Simple. 1) Gota. We need some eye candy on the team to take our minds off the zombie apocalypse. We can also sell his body for stimpaks and shit. 2) nauGie. He's got the drive and efficiency of a stereotypical German so he'll make good use of any resources we find and will be determined to make it out of any bad situations quicker than Adolf made it back out of Russia. 3) Simpo. People think he's Australian so he'll be good to use as bait if we need to. 4) Nero. All that time playing Demons'/Dark Souls has made him into a melee warrior that can destroy anything in his way. Also we're all raging alcoholics so we're bound to have a ball during this new world.
    Who dies? Well nauGie will go first obviously. The man can't stay on his feet when drunk so he'll no doubt fall down a set of steps (again) and break his foot (again) before being eaten. Simpo will survive, hiding among the fields of sheep that are now used as currency after the world ended. Nero will vanish but nobody will know if he lives or dies - he simply took his sword and marched into the thick of the zombie mob putting his DS skills to the test. A forgotten hero. Gota will live because the hot person is always the main character and the main character can't die. I will die after being caught off guard by a zombie while I was staring at Gota's ass.

    Hmm, can they be anyone? I'm going to assume they can be. First I would have Anderson Silva. You shouldn't even have to ask on that one. Second I would have my baby sister, but she'd be strapped to my back like one of those overgrown tumors. Third I would have the local army veteran that lives down the street from me, and the fourth would have to be David Canterbury.
    I would have Anderson Silva and David Canterbury die, the veteran and my sister live.

    When I said members I meant members on this site. Even though you killed Canterbury, I'ma give you a pass since I'm not sure you could name 4 members if you tried. Not to say you have no friends on here. Just that you don't have any black friends on here, just sayin.
    You should be more specific next time Dollface

    Grim thoughts from an incredibly sick, deranged mind. Now I'm not a scientist.. or an authority on Back To The Future so I can't really say how much free time the inventor of the Rubik's Cube had. Yes, free time and wasted time can be considered the same thing. What's your time waster/hobby?
    Free time is quickly becoming a rare luxury for me but it's often populated with computer shite, the odd book, films, alcohol, exercise, and a small bit of this weird thing called gaming but I'm not sure if you've heard of that before or not
    .

    My entire life is one constant span of free time. I usually spend it chuckling quietly to myself while browsing Tumblr on my phone. Netflixing an entire television series in one day while dressing my cat up in sweaters and watch her hate me is also up there.
    Oh shit. I'm so behind in the times, I'm not even sure what Tumblr does. I'm going to assume it's pictures.. Various uploaded pictures.

    We'll be right back with more from NeroRadec & thedirtyburger.

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    Sick kicks.. For the ladies.


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    Original Internet Captions
    - OneShift
















    We'll be right back with more from Emily Gloom & G-rey.

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    Member Interviews Part 2
    - OneShift with Johhnycake- & Hitmon133

    OneShift
    Hitmon133
    Johhnycake-


    If you could change one thing about the site, what would it be? What would you fix, what do you stand for, and when the do you want it to happen? AMEN.. NORTH AMERICA, BROTHER.
    The site could do with a bit more activity but I'm not exactly doing anything about it myself so I can't really go around rallying the troops. Quality activity that is, not some trains threads to make it seem like things are happening when really it's just people posting in a thread about whether they prefer nuggets from mcdonalds or some other place. The only thing I stand for is uncensoring **** in the chatbox (the sooner the better) - how else am I supposed to show people I love them?
    Change one thing... Hmm.. Honestly I like it the way it is. It's easy to find what you're looking for, the people are friendly, and if you can't find something people are ready to jump at helping you. All in all, I'm very pleased with it. So there's nothing I would change (Except maybe that my avatars are always so tiny and I don't know how to fix it.)
    I see you're not one to make waves in the water, so I don't see why you don't have black friends.

    Sorry I got a little patriotic there, it's in my blood. Who's the best non-staff member on the site? Who deserves recognition.
    I think Hitman and Helyx are two of the best members on the site. They're two of the few people I'd like to talk to often that I can't talk with off site and hence are two of the reasons that I continue to frequent the chatbox. (Not saying they're not the only ones I like to talk to there, but the rest of you I can talk with elsewhere as well)
    I've never met a black person before, let alone seen one in person. Whoops. Hmm, I don't know if he's staff, but War_Boy_98 is pretty cool.

    If a "Goosebumps" twist just so happen to you, let's say.. You found out your cats were just big sewer rats. Would you love them any less?
    Rats? Ick. But they're affectionate, cuddly rats, so I would have to say no. I would love them the same.

    The Black Plague thanks you.

    Make your own caption/witty remark for this scene.


    Hindus with big trunks got the pussy flying.
    "Tiger leaps at man on elephant"
    That's very.. straight forward, more of a description really.

    "Pussy isn't always repelled by elephants.. Or Indians."
    "He should really be expecting Pokemon in tall grass."
    "The Jungle Book remake has gotten a bit gritter since Nolan's Batman movies."

    That's what my crack team of writers came up for it. Luckily we only pay them in site rep.

    Are you interested in a wing man to pick up guys? My deep V was made by science for that very purpose. It's will is stronggg but I feel it would look better on you.
    I would be if I was actually interested in picking up guys. Or socially interacting with people. Or leaving my house. Also, when you said 'deep V', I totally thought you were implying you had a massive trench of a vagina. My bad.

    To be fair, all V's are deep. It's the wide one you want to avoid. I noticed your a part of the social group "Girl Gamers". I would imagine homosexuality runs rampant there. Not among the girls, unless you intend to share but among men pretending to be women. It's a terrible problem when innocent young men harassing women online get the old bait and switch. My one dude who I used to run with, Griefheart was sucked into the lies of one.
    Someone told me to join when I first got on the site. It's pretty much dead now.

    He killed himself, thanks for asking.
    Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

    I'm kidding, it was more of a social suicide.. But I felt that apology was in dry sarcasm. Maybe it was just the tone I imagined you saying it in. In the most badass way you can, give yourself an outro to anybody foolish enough to be reading this at 2 am. Light all the fireworks, no pressure.
    And that concludes this weeks episode of 'Real or Not Real' here on the Daily Show. I would like to thank our special musical guest of the night, Marilyn Manson, and would especially like to thank Lady Gaga on that special bit on how to dance in only your underwear and if you only had one leg. Learned quite a lot with that one!
    I would like to thank our wonderful audience for putting up with us for the past 2 hours! And by audience I mean the clapping, laughing, and gasping that is being played and most likely the sounds of people now dead. Dead people laughs. Very enchanting.
    Also I would like to thank you, viewer.

    Toggle Spoiler


    Of course this would not be possible without you. You, sitting at home alone in your bed with the black bed sheets and the green pillows. Yes, you! How did I know that? Why, it's my job! Anyway, do not freak out now. Calm down. Just grab the remote off the small nightstand with the picture of your mother and your ugly antique lamp and shut us off now.

    Don't worry though. We're always watching.

    Toggle Spoiler



    So your currently the group moderator for Old Guard? Does that mean that your the head of it? And if not then who is the shadow government of it?
    I hope "head" was an intended pun. Of course there's a shadow government. Currently it's made up of AAA, BBB, CCC, and DDD. Why them? Because they're most elitist dickheads in the group, that's why. The voting to accept new members is all a lie, they decide everything including who gets kicked out. You don't even know if you're kicked out, just one day you go to check on the group and you can't find it. I invite everybody who thinks they're a member to go verify and bitch about it when they find out it's no longer available

    Would you accept a duel to be the face of the organization then? Naked chicken, perhaps? Where the first one to stop taking off his clothes loses. On second thought since it's almost Valentine's day, if your feeling romantic we can duel in a game of twister. The trick is to stay high so you dingle over your opponent and make them uncomfortable.
    "if your feeling romantic we can duel" - are you implying that you're the current opposition in my way of being the face of the organisation? My name is on the group already, I AM the face of the organisation. And you call yourself a reporter, shame on you.

    Would you settle for letting me slow jog my fingers through your Harrison Ford hair? I prefer the setting to be at a lower class public park across from a burnt out streetlight. We can't be responsible for you on your way out of the neighborhood though. Trade a homeless man for his jacket, chameleon style.
    It's a bit out there but I'll allow it. What do I get in return, besides a dodgy walk home?


    A signed autograph with a dash of sprinkles across it. No cherry though, the V card expired last decade
    Cherries just make things messy anyway. See you Friday

    It's a date, our interview ends with another potential notch in my headboard. Give yourself an outro to all the readers.
    Be who you're meant to be. Everybody can stand tall and erect but unless you mean it you might as well be weak and flaccid. Give yourself the girth you need or you might get shafted. Old Guard goes hard and so should you. Grab life by the balls and make it your own. Only then when standing tall and erect will you feel your blood pumping and be able to spur yourself to greatness.

    Helyx is a douche.

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    Where do I get the "Yes we can; yes we did" t-shirt?

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    Social Group of the Year (2011, 2012): Platboy Online.
    Sig by Ramon, so praise the crap out of him.
    My posts can be humorous or serious, but it's up to you to decide which posts are which.

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    very entertaining read as usual OS

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    Quote Originally Posted by OneShift View Post
    Helyx is a douche.
    Wat I do?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Helyx View Post
    [/CENTER]
    Wat I do?
    Everything




    - PS3T OG -
    All Hail The Eyepat
    "If I find out that LeeMcD slags my good name off to anyone else I will personally track him down and teach the little puff a lesson." - LEE200

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    Bonus Article. Crosswords.





    Answers:

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    Casually, back from my galaxy.
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    Been there, done that.
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    Quality read for a newbie
    " Donít quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buzzsaw View Post
    Quality read for a newbie

    I liked it better when Davey posted this.


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    Speakin of Davey doin it better, shift do you remember when you were in the 7th grade and I drowned your turtle with my spit..?
    " Donít quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buzzsaw View Post
    Speakin of Davey doin it better, shift do you remember when you were in the 7th grade and I drowned your turtle with my spit..?
    You'd have to swallow in order to qualify as drowning.. This isn't amauter night at the Apollo


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    Too long, did not read


    Only kidding, love you OS

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    Quote Originally Posted by K.I.D. View Post


    Been there, done that.

    Word.. I was locked out of my account for somethin' like two days until Sub and Comp bailed me out.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nagflar View Post
    Where do I get the "Yes we can; yes we did" t-shirt?
    It's always "Coming soon.."
    Quote Originally Posted by KILLER_ View Post
    Too long, did not read


    Only kidding, love you OS
    I love you too, son. On a side note, I made sure to include anyone who posted a comment (at the time) in the crosswords.

    And for anyone who read and didn't post. I hope you faint while visiting the Grand Canyon with your loved ones.. Sure they try to catch you by the skin of your clothes but you still slip over the rail anyways. What a photo album your vacation will make when it shares a double feature with your eulogy.


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